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English grammar

Softening requests, refusals and criticism

C1 · Advanced Asking questions Questions 10

The rule

C1 speakers soften requests, refusals and criticism by combining several devices, and match the amount of softening to the relationship and the size of the request. For requests: past forms (I was wondering…), modals (could, might, would), a negative statement with a positive tag (You couldn’t lend me a pen, could you?), Would you mind + -ing, just, possibly, any chance…? among friends. For suggestions: negative questions (Wouldn’t it be better to…?, Couldn’t we…?), Perhaps you could…, It might be worth + -ing, You might want to…. For refusals: I’m afraid…, I won’t be able to…, I’m not sure I can…. For criticism: criticise the work, not the person (The report needs a bit more detail), use understatement (not quite what we expected, a little abrupt) and hedges (I’m not sure I entirely agree). Too many softeners in a small request can sound insincere or sarcastic.

Pattern

request: You couldn’t …, could you? · Would you mind + -ing? · I was wondering if … could · suggestion: Wouldn’t it be better to …? · It might be worth + -ing · You might want to … · refusal: I’m afraid … · I won’t be able to … · criticism: the work, not the person · not quite · a little · I’m not sure I entirely …

Examples

  1. You couldn’t lend me your charger, could you?

  2. Wouldn’t it be better to wait until Monday?

  3. The draft is not quite what we had in mind.

  4. It might be worth checking the figures again.

Common mistakes

  • Wrong: You could lend me a pen, couldn’t you?

    Right: You couldn’t lend me a pen, could you?

    The tentative request is a negative statement + positive tag.

  • Wrong: Your report is bad.

    Right: The report could do with a bit more detail.

    Criticise the work, not the person, and soften with a bit.

  • Wrong: It might worth trying again.

    Right: It might be worth trying again.

    It might be worth + -ing.

Practice questions

Try each one yourself first, then open “Show answer” for the solution and the reason.

  1. 1Choose the correct sentence.

    Which is the most tactful?

    Telling a colleague their slides are too long.

    1. Your slides are far too long.
    2. Cut your slides, they are too long.
    3. Nobody will read these long slides.
    4. The slides could perhaps be a little shorter.
    Show answer

    Answer: D The slides could perhaps be a little shorter.

    Focus on the slides, add perhaps and a little.

  2. 2Change the sentence.

    Make it a tentative request.

    Lend me twenty euros.

    1. You could lend me twenty euros, can you?
    2. You couldn’t lend me twenty euros, could you?
    3. You can’t lend me twenty euros, could you?
    4. Couldn’t you lend me twenty euros, can’t you?
    Show answer

    Answer: B You couldn’t lend me twenty euros, could you?

    Negative statement + positive tag: You couldn’t …, could you?

  3. 3Choose the correct sentence.

    1. Wouldn’t be it better to ask her first?
    2. Wouldn’t it be better to ask her first?
    3. Won’t it being better to ask her first?
    4. Wouldn’t it better be to ask her first?
    Show answer

    Answer: B Wouldn’t it be better to ask her first?

    A negative question suggests gently.

  4. 4Fill in the gap.

    It might be worth _____ the manager before you decide.

    1. asking
    2. to ask
    3. asked
    4. ask
    Show answer

    Answer: A It might be worth asking the manager before you decide.

    It might be worth + -ing.

  5. 5Choose the correct sentence.

    What is the speaker really saying?

    The results are not quite what we had hoped for.

    1. The results are excellent.
    2. The results are disappointing.
    3. The results are not ready yet.
    4. The results were never expected.
    Show answer

    Answer: B The results are disappointing.

    Understatement softens bad news.

  6. 6This sentence is wrong. Choose the fix.

    Would you mind to open the window?

    1. Would you mind opening the window?
    2. Would you mind for opening the window?
    3. Would you mind if open the window?
    4. Would you mind open the window?
    Show answer

    Answer: A Would you mind opening the window?

    Would you mind + -ing.

  7. 7Put the words in the right order.

    I’m not sure that’s quite right

    Show answer

    Answer: I’m not sure that’s quite right.

    A soft way to disagree.

  8. 8Change the sentence.

    Soften the criticism.

    Your email was rude.

    1. Your email was a little rude, obviously.
    2. Your email came across as a little abrupt.
    3. You were rude in the email, frankly.
    4. Your rude email was a little rude.
    Show answer

    Answer: B Your email came across as a little abrupt.

    came across as + a little + a milder word.

  9. 9Choose the correct sentence.

    Which is the most polite refusal?

    A colleague asks you to work on Saturday.

    1. Saturday? Not a chance.
    2. No, I won’t work on Saturday.
    3. I’m afraid I won’t be able to this weekend.
    4. I don’t want to work at weekends.
    Show answer

    Answer: C I’m afraid I won’t be able to this weekend.

    I’m afraid I won’t be able to softens the refusal.

  10. 10Choose the correct sentence.

    1. Couldn’t we postponing the meeting until next week?
    2. Couldn’t we postpone the meeting until next week?
    3. Could not we postpone the meeting until next week?
    4. Couldn’t we to postpone the meeting until next week?
    Show answer

    Answer: B Couldn’t we postpone the meeting until next week?

    A negative question makes a suggestion gently.

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